In the Service of Her Majesty The Queen

[EMIRKOL THE CHAOTIC]

Originally Posted by Scryler

Thank you for the hugs. I'll get there...sooner or later.

Yes you will! I (we fanboys) insist!

Originally Posted by Scryler

Life manages to teach us it's lessons, even if it requires some severe body blows before those of us (me) who are most dense are ready to listen.

Mine always seem to be s.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night goes well.

The body blows just keep coming.

Now, I've been around long enough to have some idea of what to expect when things fall apart in my life, but intellectual awareness does not seem to mitigate the punching. Neither does any amount of prep work.

I have really strong nails. And some resources, although not as many as I should have. When you don't listen to your friends, they tend to back away.

Ok. Done with the whining.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the still bright earth,

The Nightly Mission:

First Rule: Take care of yourself
first, so you have the strength
for others.

And sleep. Sleeping is when the
body heals and so does the mind.

Wake up...and don't forget the 1st rule.

May the Lady smile
on you and me, too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

Originally Posted by EMIRKOL THE CHAOTIC

Yes you will! I (we fanboys) insist!

Thankies. I am grateful for my fanboys. Very.

Originally Posted by EMIRKOL THE CHAOTIC

Mine always seem to be s.

Mine are right in the gut. Makes me double over, no kidding.

[GuardianAngel82]

As a person who takes a few literal body blows from time to time, I can say you get good at fighting in an impaired state. Thank God for adrenaline (norepenephrine, I know). It's good to know you got it in you. And it's good to know NOT to quit.

Listen to your friends. Show them you care about what they think. Show them you love them for caring. But be sure to do a few stupid things now and then to keep them entertained.

Sometimes it's good go ahead and get into something, even though you know it might not go well. Logic and objectivity are better at telling us what is going on than it is at telling us what to do. But don't let "failure" drag you down for too long.

[Scryler]

Somewhere I read that life is a constant struggle, so enjoy the struggle.

Others say it shouldn't be that way, that life is only a struggle when you make it one.

All I can say is that if you observe the grass growing in your yard, one of the simplest things easily observable, you will notice that the grass is in constant struggle.

[Scryler]

Why I don't go in the water in Florida.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CQ1N...layer_embedded

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night went well.

Another body blow, this one prolonged. And over. Residual effects coming and going. I think, I hope this is the last one.

And now on to the repair work...


To all who sleep tonight on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Sleep gets rid of more emotional
pain than any other behavior. So
sleep.

Wake up a little better...maybe.
And get on with the repairs.

May the Lady smile
on you and me too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night goes well.

I am apparently not able to take my own advice. Sleep is definitely not on the agenda. Two hours last night, another 2 this afternoon. Mayhap I will turn into a zombie, give the squirrels a run for their money, and dispense with sleep altogether.

Sleeping pills tonight. Work tomorrow.

I'm whining again.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Sleep if you can
when you can't
play solitaire.

In the morning
blink your gritty
eyes at the light.

May the Lady smile
on you and me too.

G'Night.

[Hugh Manetee]

The best cure for insommnia I've ever found is a series of audiobooks.

The Cat who....
Written by Lilian Jackson Braun read by George Guidell ( not sure of the spelling)
The stories are very good she understands the mind of a man of a certain age very well.
If you listen to them in the day they are good stories well read.

At night in bed the narrator's voice takes on a soothing quality that sends you off to sleep.
My girlfriend and I used to wake up in the morning and say how much did you hear last night. It was invariably about 30 seconds to a couple of minutes.

Also valerium tea is supposed to help you sleep with out the side effects of sleeping pills.

Hope you feel better soon.

It's always darkest before the dawn and time heals all wounds are a couple of adages which have sustained me through bad times.

[GuardianAngel82]

Better than that: "Time wounds all heels."

The best revenge is to to occasionally glance over indifferently as the worst of them demolish their lives.

Another method is to read a tortuous and difficult book that requires constant attention, pondering and rereading. Your mind gets tired and you go to sleep thinking about something other than your personal problems.

[Gaear]

Sooner or later your issues have to be processed though, and imo processing is just a pointless re-examination of the situation over and over. But there's no substitute. If there was, just telling yourself not to stress about something would work. But it never does. It's like a war of attrition: you have to be miserable until you've got no more to give to the cause. Nothing gets 'fixed' really; you've just worn it down. I think that's what's at the heart of the 'time heals' thing.

So in that sense, be miserable now, a lot, and save yourself the misery later.

[Scryler]

Thank you guys, all of you.

I did sleep last night, minus the sleeping pills, for about 6 hours, which is about normal for me. I think maybe from sheer exhaustion.

Now I get the blessing of continuous anxiety attacks. Aren't those fun. The sooner those get over with, the better. I work tonight, so that will be interesting, indeed.

I'm alive. Focus on that. Things could be worse.

And yes, time does heal all wounds that it does not bury in the darkest basements and leaky attics of our minds. This one isn't getting buried, so I should consider myself lucky. Queen of Spades luck. Mad Hatter luck.

Valerian helps with anxiety, too. I ought to get some.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night is going well.

Thank the Lady for crazy drivers. I had to focus closely enough on what the idiots on the road were doing to where this more or less continuous anxiety attack did not interfere much with my own driving.

And work is structured, so that helped too. But it's not gone, I can feel it hovering, just waiting until I get home or rising full blown on the dark long road I take to get there.

Life goes on. This is life. Cling to that.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the dark earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Thank the Lady for blessings, small
as they may be before chasing after
sleep, such things as fat furry cats
curled around the top of your head,
purring nosily, another at your back,
and crazy drivers on the road to work.

Wake up and take on another day,
mark it on the calendar.

May the Lady smile
on you and me too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night goes well.

Friday night again. I think I hate Fridays.

Things are marginally better. Mainly because I have buried myself in tasks that require much attention to detail. However, tonight will be difficult. Fridays always seem to be difficult for me, for whatever reason. So I bought comfort food...ice cream. I am going to sugar myself asleep tonight (not to mention loading up my veins and arteries).

Oh. My wii came back from the warranty people, hopefully repaired, today. Perhaps there is hope for my veins and arteries afterall.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Use whatever method you prefer
to slide off into sleep...and hope
you stay there until morning.

Wake up again and trudge
through another day.

May the Lady smile
on you and me too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

Falling

On the edge of a meadow, nearly blanketed by the immense live oaks that grow on three sides, stands a gray weathered barn. Where it is not shaded by the trees, the planks of the barn glow with a silvery sheen, caught by the sun's sloping rays late in the afternoon when the heat is starting to leach out of the day, urging the cicadas to ratchet up their collective racket another notch.

Shy and hesitant, a doe steps out from the surrounding forest into the meadow, her hooves dainty in the tall grass. High in the spreading limbs of the oaks, the squirrels chase each other, now circling around the branches, now flinging themselves from the ends of one branch to another, their tails jerking, soon on their way to their nests.

Despite the shrill sound of the cicadas and the chattering of the squirrels, it is remarkably quiet around the barn. Her ears turned forward, nose inhaling the air, the doe finds nothing to alarm her. Trailed closely by a skittish fawn, she moves farther into the meadow, to nibble on the bushes growing in short and straggly clumps, cropped by previous inroads of both deer and squirrel.

Roused from sleep by the cicadas, a barn owl perched on a beam opens her yellow eyes and turns her saucered face smoothly around to scan the far reaches of the barn, then fluffs her feathers, sinking back into slumber. Under her on the ground, a shadow among shadows, a lean and lithe black cat freezes, one foot poised in the air, feeling the owl wake up as only a cat can, the sound of fluffing feathers soon reaching his ears, pricked, alert, shortly after the incoming message that all is not what it was.

The bats in the barn sleep on, feet clutching the underside of the roof.

Rays of light slant through the cracks between the planks, making iridescent rainbow swirls out of the dust motes moving lazily through the nearly still air, leaving bars of light, transitory footprints, on the beaten earth flooring.

One such ray of light reaches to a boxers body bag, hanging by a rusty chain from the same beam the owl has settled down on again, its two other chains eaten through by rust, one dangling down on the bag, the other still attached to the eye at the beam, loose, unconnected at its other end.

The bag looks well used. Taped around its sadly misshapen girth, once solid, firm, filled with sand, the bag now hangs half empty, its upper half held together only by the peeling shell of tape. Faint ghostly images, perhaps only the illuminated dust motes stirred by an errant breeze, seem to dance around the bag, seem to lean toward it, seem still set in the ritual of punch, duck and weave.

Silently, the cat winds sinuously to the end of the barn, scouting, the only thing moving save the ghosts. He stays cautiously within the shadows, mindful of the owl, though large enough, strong enough to win an attack. Nosing through the debris left from earlier times, he casually hunts for tidbits to nourish him through the oncoming night, already knowing there is nothing of great interest, driven by his nature, prowling.

Blushed pink, as the sun falls toward the horizon, for a few scant moments the barn seems to shimmer and dance under the slowly swaying branches of the trees as the wind, herald of the night, soughing softly among the leaves, caresses the mighty oaks.

Soon the night stretches its fingers across the land, settles inside the barn, waking the bats, the owl on the beam, banishing the ghosts. Riding the last of the wind, the bats and the owl flit and soar into the darkening night. An early moon, swollen, rises fast, cupped in night's hands, calls the cat out to hunt. The doe and her fawn move back into the surrounding forest.

In the black night, the barn is lost among the trees, emptied of life.

Hanging from its single chain in the middle of the barn, pricked and scored near the bottom by the black cat's claws, the battered body bag turns slowly, trickles of sand falling down beneath it, falling, falling, falling.

[Scryler]

I'd like to be very clear that my 'word picture' of the relationship that just ended, does not accurately or completely depict the other party involved (or myself for that matter), nor is it an attempt to identify issues.

It's my word picture after all, boiling up from inside, my method of processing pain. It is not intended as an indictment. Or a judgment.

[Scryler]

The Little Things

It's the little things that get me today
the little things that once
flew around me like butterflies
landing in my heart
giving love wings


his smile when I was funny or nice
the crinkles around his eyes
the light that twinkled, danced
when he teased me, cajoled me
laughed with me


his arms behind his head,
another smile, this one cocky
the first time I saw the twinkle
the whole pose one
of self assurance


his hands and fingers
angles of grace, capable hands
that came into their own when
he was least aware of them


the three quarter profile
his mustache, the growth
of beard that turned his
round face lean as a wolf


his mouth...ahhh do I dare
go there? do I dare go there?
...how can I not?


The cupid's bow that turned
his lips up at the corners
the lips I long to trace
with my fingertip
with my tongue


at the time, these little things danced
and flew around me like butterflies,
landing in my heart


when I pull out my mental snapshots
flip through them one by one
I find the butterflies in my heart
have turned into worms
the wings gone
eating my heart alive

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night has been going well.


Today, the heat index was 110 - 115 F. That's scalding hot.

We had a thunderstorm that cooled things down and flooded parts of town.

As is my want when I am in pain, I've been writing all day. Right now, I feel written out. A pun yet. Snap.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Sleep as well as you can
when you can...

Wake up and put one
foot in front of another...
and write.

May the Lady smile
on you and me too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night goes well.

There is so much humidity in the air that it can't hold it all. The roof keeps dripping water from it's eaves, and has ever since I got to work.

Tomorrow, it is supposed to clear up, finally. I hope so...my lawn needs mowing.

Another night of no sleep. I laid there listening to my favorite cat breathe. He isn't doing so well...it sounds like he is drowning. He has diabetes. So I think I need to take him in to the vet tomorrow. If he has to be put to sleep...well that's going to be hard.

Things seem to happen in clusters. Groups of good things. Groups of difficult things. Some type of weird synchronicity. I want the good things
group to come around again.


To all who will sleep on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Sleeping pills work when nothing else will.
Don't be too 'strong' to use them.

Wake up bleary eyed, but get those feet on
the floor and head for the coffee.

May the Lady smile
on you and me too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night has been going well.

I feel better. Maybe the Lady smiled on me. I expect that I'll have periods when I don't, as these things tend to come in waves or stages, but I think it won't kick my butt so hard, will have a lesser impact. Slept for hours this evening, and that felt good, too.

The cat is better, as well. He didn't have that drowning sound last night when he was breathing.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Take the day's progress
into night and temper your
dreams a bit...

Wake up and start
living.

May the Lady smile
on you and me too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night goes well.

Everyday I feel a little better. Increments of wellness. Or so I hope.

Tonight, though, I am tired. I slept last night, but not enough to make up for all the time I spent this week staring at the blanket that half covered my face. I tell myself that I will go to bed early for a change...but I know I won't.

A friend of mine and her husband are going on a cruise from Seattle to Alaska. Somewhere along the way, they plan on riding a catamaran to some icebergs. She says they want to see them before they melt and disappear. But there are so many fires burning around Seattle, that they are afraid their flight will be delayed and they will miss the cruise ship. She said there are over 100 fires burning.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Curl up under the covers,
let your eyes close and fall
into sleep.

Wake up a little less tired.


May the Lady smile
on you and me too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night went well.

I am sleeping more, but I'm still tired. I must have used up a lot of energy...my reserves are shot. that's what you get for messing around with a vampire? Maybe.


To all who sleep tonight on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Sleep well
Sleep sound
Restore yourself

Wake up with more energy


May the Lady smile
on you and me too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night goes well.

I went eyeball to eyeball with a lizard this evening. It was on a post at eye level so I decided to see what it was like. It stared at me the entire time with the eye on the side of it's head that was facing me. I could tell because the eye moved when I did. Wonder what it saw? A giant eyeball staring at it, I guess. Other than the eye, it never moved. I guess I wouldn't either if the situation was reversed. Can't tell much about an eyeball that tiny. No cold evil glint (like a chicken's eye for ex), couldn't tell if it's pupils were slitted...they appearred round but that could have been from the time of day. Google says lizards have a 3rd eye, in the middle of their foreheads.

And I saw the great horned owl at work this evening, as well. It is very large.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Sleep.
Wake up and do the day.


May the Lady smile
on you and me too.

G'Night.

[Sergio Morozov]

Yea, when I was travelling Italian land on foot, I have met some nice lizards too!

This one, for example, is The Miniature Giant Space Lizard! Enjoy.

[Scryler]

Originally Posted by Sergio Morozov

Yea, when I was travelling Italian land on foot, I have met some nice lizards too!

This one, for example, is The Miniature Giant Space Lizard! Enjoy.

I did. Lol. Quite a picture.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the rest of the night goes well.

Nothing much to talk about today.

I am having a wave of the blues. It will pass. (Knocks self on the head, "Hear that, brain? Pass, damn it.)

It's Friday night again. I think there are entirely too many Fridays in the month for my liking. They should come every 10 or even 15 days. Maybe just once a month. We can just skip Fridays and maybe Saturdays too for that matter, jump right from Thursday to Sunday. The Union guys would be happy...finally a 4 day week. Working week, that is.

Ah well. Another fantasy.


To all who will sleep tonight (haha) on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Do not think of Fridays,
just go to sleep.

Wake up on Sunday.

May the Lady smile
on me, and all of you too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night goes well (what's left of it).

Another night w/o sleep.

Another dark moon coming up.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Sleep. For a change.
Then wake up and put
your feet on the ground.

May the Lady smile
on me, and you too.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night went well.

I took care of Saturday...slept almost all day. Yay for me!

So obviously, I have nothing to report...not even dreams.


To all who sleep tonight on this side of the earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Sleep, sleep, sleep.

Wake up groggy.

May the Lady
smile on me.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night went well.

I saw 2 turkeys run across the road to where I work. Young ones I think, or female.

And I think I saw the owl again. Other staff tell me there is more than one owl that lives in the live oaks and forest immediately surrounding the workplace. I suppose that's why there are so few squirrels here...and I haven't seen many baby racoons either, just the full grown ones that come to dig around in our dumpster.

I have never seen a skunk anywhere here in Florida where I have been. Or smelled one, either.

The dark moon is here, right now in fact, according to my calendar. Good. Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the dark earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Soak up some sleep tonight,
deep down into your bones.

Wake up feeling strong.

May the Lady smile
on me.

G'Night.

[Scryler]

I hope you had a good day and the night goes well.

The Perseid meteor shower occurs tomorrow night. Best viewing is after the moon goes down, around 10 pm or so EST (I think, maybe 10 pm where ever you are.). I've never seen it, so I hope the skies are clear. I guess it's not the most spectacular one, only about 1 per minute, but it has the best time for viewing of most that we are likely to see this year. I don't know why they call it a meteor shower when it is only dust. I always think of meteors as being at least boulder size. Too many movies, I guess.


To all who will sleep tonight on this side of the still dark earth,

The Nightly Mission:

Breathe. Just remember
to breathe and let sleep
come as it wills.

Wake up with rosier cheeks.


May the Lady smile
on me.

G'Night.